Steve was devastated when his mum died of breast cancer but was able to channel his grief into a year of fundraising

My mum passed away from secondary breast cancer. Whether it was stoicism or fear, she didn’t seek medical advice for the lump in her breast. Dad had to take her to the doctor when she started having cognitive, balance, and mobility issues. That’s when we found out she had breast cancer that had spread to her bones and was already terminal. It was sudden and quite a shock. Mum was the head of our family, always looking after everyone else, and then suddenly she was the one who needed care.

This all happened during Covid. When she was admitted to hospital, I was only allowed to see her once, despite her terminal diagnosis. By then, she was completely confused and couldn’t recognise me. It was tough talking to her as she sometimes thought I was someone else.

With help from a local hospice, we managed to bring her home for the last few weeks of her life, which was comforting, but she wasn’t aware of her surroundings. At least Dad and I could spend time with her and say goodbye. There wasn’t much emotional support available for Dad or me, mainly due to Covid. We had a nurse who came regularly to help and give Dad a break. As I live 70 to 80 miles away from my parents, I couldn’t be there every day, and Dad found it very difficult to cope.

My parents had been married for 65 years, so it hit Dad hard when Mum died. He didn’t want to live in their house without her, so we had to sell it and move him to a retirement apartment.

Mum often spoke about the importance of being honest and not hiding things. She believed people should speak up and encourage others to seek help when needed. Unfortunately, she didn’t apply this rule to her own health this time. I’m also guilty of not seeking help until it becomes an emergency, so it was a wake-up call for me.

When I became Club Captain of my golf club, I wanted to support a charity that meant something personal to me. My wife, Lynne, who was Lady Captain in the same year, and I felt that supporting Against Breast Cancer was right. Her mother had also had, but thankfully survived, breast cancer.

We raised a phenomenal amount. The club record was £17K, and we raised just over £30K. We held lots of fundraising events during the year, but the main one was Captain’s Day. This is a fun day for all the members, hosted by the captains with refreshments and competitions with prizes, and most importantly, an auction supported by generous donations from members and business contacts, which raised £13.5K.

There were other competitions throughout the year, like Euro Pontoon and Last Man Standing based on the Premiership results, which everyone enjoyed and raised a significant amount of money. I used to walk into the clubhouse with a piece of paper in my hand. People just got used to it, asked how much, what for, and then just got their wallet out.

Many people think breast cancer only affects women, but men can get it too. Even if you don’t have breast cancer, it can deeply impact someone you care about, like my mum. I think it’s important for everyone to know that it’s not just about women. We want to get the word out there that it’s about everyone.